#6 Naked Bike Rides

images.jpgChalk this entry up as part of the “Keep Portland Weird” campaign. I fully embrace the counter-culture experience in Portland, but nothing defies logic* than the naked bike ride held every year around June (or as some would say, “It’s Year Round! WOOO!!!”).

The premise is simple. Grab a cheap, ridiculously inefficient Schwin, get naked and pedal through downtown Portland. This behavior won’t get you laid, but it will garner a lot of shock and awe. If you’ve ever taken part in this campaign AND been laid from it, let me know. I’m dying to know HOW that exchange was initiated.

As a spectator, you’ll see flapping boobies and shrunken penises followed by a stench of pot roast and WD-40. The air changes with each passing rider, and you can’t help but notice the unattractive feature sets. As liberating as this riding in this fashion, it’s still a bunch of ugly people on bikes.

*Ultimately, I can image two shortcomings of naked bike rides.
1. Penis trapped in the derailer/spoke/brake cable
2. Booby trapped in the derailer/spoke/brake cable

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5 Responses to “#6 Naked Bike Rides”


  1. 1 Sebastian 03/10 at 5:50 pm

    You must not be looking hard enough: tons of hot people. Hot legs, hot abs, hot ass.

  2. 2 Zeke Krahlin 09/23 at 10:14 pm

    Watch out for skid marks on those rented bicycles! I’m talking the bicycle’s *seat* peoples, the *seat*…ewww.

  3. 3 hipsterZ_suk 04/14 at 3:24 pm

    Oh like messengers aren’t posers. Come on. Who actually tries to dress as a messenger? No one is that desperate for attention, not even posers.

    No one likes it when their “tribe and culture” goes mainstream. Face it Fakenger Nation: you’re passé already. Mainstream. Now, then… where’s my voodo donut and PBR?

  4. 4 Mr. Derka 03/17 at 11:59 pm

    yes… these people are indeed douchebags…

  5. 5 wpt 03/17 at 5:15 pm

    It’s a world ride, not a Portland ride: http://www.worldnakedbikeride.org/index.html

    What sucks is all the poser people ridign around with messenger bags and tiny u locks because it is “cool” to dress like a messenger, which sucks anyways, riding their cool fixed gear bikes 3 blocks to hang around and talk about how cool they are.


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