In other cities these people are recognized as those tree-hugging, earth-lovin hippees. In Portland, OR, they are known as your friendly neighborhood environmentalist. The chance that you have met one in your life is quit possible. Like an annoying alley cat that keeps you up all night meowing for attention, they’ve found a way to sneak into every Portland neighborhood. Portland has become a magnet for these self-proclaimed superheroes and it isn’t going to change. So why would anyone say Earthly do-gooders suck?
Because they are people that annoy me.
Think of a time when you had a “conversation” with an environmentalist. Was it ridiculously one-sided? Did it come off as preachy? Did they nag you until you had to pretend to agree with them?
The truly frustrating thing is their weepy eyed faith based testimonials on Gaia and the earth mother being used as support for whatever hair-brained ban they’d like to pass or business they’d like to ruin. These people almost never use reason or (gasp!) science since they are the ones exposing the fraud of healing touch and natural medicine. If they’d just take a step back from the sensationalism and emotionalism that they have wrapped around all issues green and tried to meet business and the general public with reasoned science they would find a much more receptive audience. But as long as they can feel good about their Prius (larger carbon footprint to build than a Hummer) and awkwardly sneering at the dolt who threw away his beer bottle- green will be nothing more substantive than emo.
And basically that sums up the grassroots campaign of possibly the most annoying, obnoxious “ists” people in the world. Their disrespect for agriculture (pesticides, non-organic and logging), recreation (hunting and fishing) and societal activities (urban development, property rights and global warming) have now caused an outbreak of trendy popular environmentalists. These people only have a basic knowledge of what sustainability means, but they adopt the causes that fit their “lifestyle”. I’m not particularly sure if its the “everyone else does it, why shouldn’t I?”* mentality but younger demographics are always hoping on board the trendy train.
This rising population of “greenos” will eventually adopt their own culture:
Music: Decemberists, The Shins, Postal Service, Dave Matthews Band and Sheryl Crow
Clothing: Goodwill, Compound/Oddball and American Apperal
Food: Whole Foods, Stumptown Coffee, Roots, and Daily Cafe
Institutions: ORBike, Recesstime Sports Leagues and Saturday/Farmers Market
So as Portland becomes more “green”, its citizens are picking and choosing the causes that satisfy their guilty conscious. Doesn’t this sound like the Catholic religion of political movements? One can only hope that this movement won’t attempt to take over the world through mission work. In order to ensure this doesn’t happen, the next time you see/hear someone preaching green, go ahead and grab a tainted tomato that you carried home in a plastic bag, and throw it at them screaming “The power of Terra compels you!”. It may not destroy their confidence on the matter entirely, but at least it’ll shut them up for a minute.
* This could also be “What Would Alec Baldwin Do”
It happens every year. We spend all of our time complaining about rainy weather and how we just “Need some sun”. The clouds are causing depression in every Portlander and unless some serious ecological change occurs, we’re moving to California. Then… out of the blue… the first heat wave hits. Our entire city changes from wet-frowning hipsters to heat-exhausted zombies.
