#73 Whole Foods

wholefoodsExpensive, expensive, expensive & expensive. Walking the aisle of Whole Foods will amaze most people with their great selection of both brand name and small market niches. But once you reach the unprofessional hippie clerk at check out, you might choke on your processed spearmint gum. Whole Foods and Wild Oats are an experiment in “how much will college-educated people pay for food”. This brilliant capitalistic exercise has turned me into somewhat of a boycotter.

I’m tired with people mentioning their Whole Paycheck experience. It makes me want to vomit when I hear talk about how much their pasta salad lunch cost. You seriously think the “make your own sandwich” is better than a deli? All natural, organic and whole foods don’t taste bad to me. Somehow, 365 has found a way to consistently provide me with the worst food ever.

There is no reason to shop at Whole Foods… ever. Do you want to support the local farmer? Then go to any of the amazing Co-Ops we have throughout PDX. The “local” farmers who provide produce to Whole Foods are actually packing sheds hundred miles away from town. Organic produce does not provide more nutrients than real produce. Could you imagine a world where all produce is organic? Humanity would die of starvation the minute a disease hits. By pissing away your money for a perceived notion of health, you are supporting starvation in the world.*

You being fat and lazy isn’t going to be remedied by whole food. So, you hike every weekend. Big deal! Try enjoying a healthy diet rather than eating crappy food because its “organic and all natural”. 365 Wheat Pasta is still going to make your ass look fat in 7’s. Since November ’07, I have been Whole Foods/Wild Oats free. I’m happy to say that I’m still alive after eating normal foods.

*I’m allowed one ridiculous argument a year


28 Responses to “#73 Whole Foods”

  1. 1 natural food stores 09/16 at 9:45 am

    I don’t even know how I stopped up here, however
    I assumed this publish was great. I don’t understand
    who you might be but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger in the event
    you aren’t already. Cheers!

  2. 2 DWK 08/09 at 4:21 pm

    Love your website! Being an ex-Portlander, I can appreciate most of the “hates” on your list, many of which were the reason for my departure. I lived there from ’89 – ’02, when houses were still pretty cheap, and way before all the monied folks and hipsters invaded. I knew it was all over when that snooty French store opened downtown and Whole Foods too. I now live in North Carolina and love it! There’s organic farms and local craft breweries here too, just not the smug snobs and trust fund babies who think they’re above everybody else!

  3. 3 Grav197 02/04 at 11:02 pm

    Costco is better than Whole Foods.

  4. 4 missfae 06/15 at 9:21 am

    If its one thing that I’ve been sucked into after moving to Portland it is the whole, organic food trend. Here’s why:
    My boyfriend has a great job and we literally spend all or most of our money on food. Seriously, we can’t save anything because we shop almost exclusively at New Seasons and Whole Foods. I’m okay with this because as someone who is used to eating every day grocery store produce, organic fruits and vegetables TASTE SO MUCH BETTER! Before, I never liked eating fruits and vegetables, now that we buy organic I include them in every meal because I WANT to. And yes, it has made a difference in our overall health and helping us lose some weight, but it isn’t by any means THE WAY to lose weight and get healthier, you still have to exercise. It’s especially helpful if you don’t respond well to additives in food or artificial flavors (which I don’t).
    I do agree that its too expensive. I wince at the price of items by bf will put in our cart. But it’s his money and I’m not going to tell him how to spend it, just reap the tasty reward πŸ™‚

  5. 5 eDawg 10/15 at 12:27 pm

    Just stumbled onto this site googling “pioneer square parking”. This action is hilarious! I love Portland, as I can tell you guys do, which makes it all the more fun to hear the nuanced yet juggernaut-tastic critiques because they’re so right on. Cheers!

    • 6 Grav197 02/04 at 11:04 pm

      Portland sucks. Oregon sucks.

      Don’t suck strangers into your obnoxious whirlwind of idiocy.

  6. 7 SueBee 11/14 at 12:37 am

    Personally, my health is a lot better now that I’m shopping almost exclusively at farmer’s markets, Whole Foods and the Korean place down the road from my house. I’ve lost weight, have more energy, and my chemical-allergic sensitivity reactions have been cut to about 10% of what they once were.

    • 8 Ryan 11/15 at 4:31 pm

      Sounds like your income is fairly high, then πŸ˜› Or at least high enough to let you shop at Whole Paycheck on a regular basis..

  7. 9 reno 55 08/29 at 4:13 pm

    I don’t get the barbie doll thing please someone explain this thing to me I think the girls up here are hot yea they are plain but oh well not everything can be perfect.

  8. 10 reno 55 08/29 at 4:03 pm

    but not as expensive as trader joes and by the way the ceo of this company does not support universal health care another reason not to shop here hey but you have to admit they have good quality products.

    • 11 Ryan 08/30 at 4:29 pm

      Trader Joes is cheaper — you had it backwards

    • 12 zumpie 08/30 at 4:35 pm

      Ryan’s correct, Trader Joe’s pricing on gourmet and specialty items is quite friendly. Also, Joe’s is a quite good employer.

  9. 13 Whitney 07/15 at 12:44 pm

    ** to NOT be part of the SAD diet.

  10. 16 Whitney 07/15 at 11:59 am

    ** Sorry, NOT be part of the SAD diet

  11. 17 Brandon 07/15 at 9:57 am

    Hah.. keep trolling fellas, you make the web entertaining.

  12. 18 glubberino 07/13 at 3:36 pm

    Pearl District yuppies love them $8 half-sandwiches. Unfortunately, the ones at New Seasons are only about a dollar cheaper.

  13. 19 Ryan 07/10 at 6:41 pm

    I like New Seasons more. It seems like they’re a little cheaper, generally.

  14. 20 Janine 07/10 at 5:19 pm

    Interesting point about organics and the availability of food, as I had never really thought about that.

    I don’t shop Whole Foods, but I used to live where the only walkable grocers were Trader Joe’s and a local co-op, and it was AWFUL. The snobby deli with “vegan ribs” and “mock chicken salad”. If tofu is so great, I would like to know why they have to give it meat-related names in an attempt to make our mouths water. Every person serving my food had mousy brown dreadlocks and a bored look.

    Even canned foods weren’t immune. Who pays $5 for a single-serving can of soup?

    I lived in Lake Oswego for awhile, and even their farmer’s market wasn’t snobby.

    I was so happy to move from NW back to SE and my beloved Winco.

  15. 21 Texas Triffid Ranch 07/10 at 3:23 pm

    Whole Foods…the employer of choice for surly managers fired from Borders for incompetence.

    • 22 zumpie 07/11 at 8:22 am

      Hee!!! Plus thier hiring practices absolutely ensure it will ALWAYS be like that. According to the Whole Paycheck website: after you’ve completed a glorious month of stocking shelves and glaring at customers, your entire department meets and votes on whether or not you get to retain your awesome and super fufilling position.

      Yes, at Whole Foods, life can continue to be endless high school, complete with massive ass kissing just to stay on the lowest rung of the Pep Squad.

  16. 23 Brandon 07/10 at 2:52 pm

    Organic produce does not provide more nutrients than real produce.

    Actually……. this is not true. If you are getting your facts from the first google result: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/08/080807082954.htm, really examine the methods used to determine that opinion, the science is not sound. If you spend some time doing some real research into nutrition and chemical comparison of mass produced produce versus organic produce there is a significant disparity in the nutrient content, many times on an exponential factor. Many organic vegetables can have upwards of 1000% more vitamin content compared to an equivalent non-organic. On a side note, there is considerable evidence of today’s produce being significantly less nutritious than in the past regardless of whether it is organic or not. In any case, look past the first result in google to check your facts and you might consider incorporating more organic food in your diet.

    • 24 Erick E 07/13 at 8:27 am

      You like penis.

    • 25 Smoky 07/14 at 1:27 pm

      Shut the fuck up you filthy hippy. Get yourself deloused, get a haircut, take a shower and attempt to do something constructive with your life. Why do all these dred lock losers dress exactly alike and have the same clothes and hair?

    • 26 zumpie 07/14 at 2:50 pm

      Well, DUH, they all look and dress alike because they’re asserting their individuality!

    • 27 Whitney 07/15 at 11:58 am

      The responses to this intelligent comment about organic nutrients – which has been proven to be true scientifially – show the extreme lack of intelligence in this post and most of its commenters.

      “Organic produce does not provide more nutrients than real produce.”
      You’re an idiot. YES, organic produce does provide more nutrients. I’d prefer to eat Apples that haven’t been sprayed down with pesticides, then when picked, polished with wax and dyed to be a more vibrant color. It’s like raising a child on poison – you don’t think they’ll be less healthy come adulthood? Then you’re ignorant.

      It’s not about the waste case with dreadlocks. Yeah, a lot of those people suck. But I’d rather pay extra any day to be part of the SAD diet that people are NOT living well on.

    • 28 Jeff 02/12 at 4:31 pm

      “Proven to be true scientifically”


      Well that pretty much seals the case on Whitney’s knowledge of what science actually is, does, and can be counted upon to provide for those of us who can actually read, understand, and correctly intrepret a scientific argument.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Twitter Updates

Top Posts