Young Professionals of Portland was established to provide a place where young professionals can connect with each other. Mark Hutchinson created the networking association as a vehicle to grow connections between other Portlanders. This concept has grown throughout the nation. Other cities are building their own young professional network… of douche knights. YPOP (as it is referred) has become the happy hour meat market club for 22-25/31-60 year old men.
On the last Tuesday of each month, YPOP is held at a different bar around Portland. When you arrive, you’re greeted at the sponsor’s table and pick up your name tag. Then you enter the mass arena of Insurance, Finance, Real Estate and Mortgage sales people that have mistakenly chosen the wrong type of networking event. These creatures stand out from the crowd and make for some seriously weird conversation. With no talent or soul, you engage with these weirdos, ultimately finding only one thing to talk about: how much money they make.
On the flip side, you’ll also run into the creative types. These can be spotted very quickly as their jeans/shoes are expensive/tight with some quirky $5 shirt they bought at Goodwill. The creatives are a blast because they share their ideas as opposed to wanting to bone you. These conversations can be worthwhile, until you are approached by “Mortgage Industry Guy.” Here, the discussion you were previously having turns into, “I like money. Do you like money?”
My favorite thing about YPOP are the obnoxious +35 year olds looking for attention. Apparently, 35 is the new 24 and these people have fully embraced this concept. Sticking out like a sore thumb, the +35 year olds grossly creep out the other YPOPers. You can see them “networking” but ultimately strike out with the attractive 24 year old Account Executive at Adidas. For some reason, they keep flocking to YPOP because they feel like their youthfulness is still relevant to an organization centered around young professionals. If you can’t spot them by their one-to-many-unbuttoned shirt or loose dangling tie around their neck, don’t worry, they will find you. Usually reeking of house Scotch halitosis and rambling about how they STILL can “bang” hot girls. Yea, I hate these guys.
On a better note, if you find yourself at the Thirsty Lion, Blitz or On Deck (yes, these are the favorite haunts of the Douche Knights from the Old Republic) during these terrible social events, don’t fret.. you can still have a good time. Just join the male-patterned baldness crew standing around their 3-top laughing about their new G35 or new bone-enamel colored, watermarked, times new roman font business cards they just received with their new 5 word title (Associative Director Manager of Internal Ejaculation) and join in with your own fantastic story about the trip to the Toyota dealership. You can even have a little fun with them while the whole time making an ass out of you and their mothers. At the end just take off your collared shirts, wear your wife beater and order a Bud Light. Talk to that cute cocktail server without trying to lick her from the first sentence.