#22 Bettie Ford Lounge

OFFICIALLY OUT OF BUSINESS!

Let me start off with a little sniplet from Portland’s best bar resource guide, BarFly:

“Great name, but it’s all downhill from there.”

By “name”, I believe they are referring to the marketing, branding and signage from a club that declares itself the top hot spot in Portland. And by “downhill”, they are referring to Bettie Ford Lounge‘s first pitfall, encountered before you even enter the doors.

Are bouncer beat downs your thing? Then this really is the place for you. Bouncers are there to assist in security and deal with disorderly people. In general, these types are under-paid, testosteroned-out and over-caffeinated. Unfortunately, the Bettie Ford kind also automatically hate these two types of people.

  1. The unattractive chick who is overally intoxicated
  2. Any guy that isn’t their friend.

If you’ve been here, you know that’s a large majority of people at Bettie Ford lounge. Everyone gets wasted beforehand because their drinks are incredibly weak. For a tasty $5.00 Potter’s Gin and Tonic, expect some disproportionate pouring. Prefunking is a “must” when going to Bettie Ford. Guess this could be the reason that the bouncers are such assfaces to anyone who shows up after 10 p.m.

Since you are coming straight from your “dinner party” (aka prefunk) with friends, you probably either have to go benjo* immediately or will after consuming watered down drinks. Be prepared to wait in long lines with a who’s-who of “future drug/alcohol rehabilitation” participants. The Bettie Ford bathroom experience is one of the WORST I’ve ever been unfortunate enough to endure. Due to the overflow of people from lack of facilities, you end up in line with “The Cryer”, “Wall Leaner”, “Puker” and/or “Weak Bladder”. Also, the dark and “flattering” lighting of the club gives way to a neon and white bathroom area that will singe your eyes with a 1,000 watt glare.

All bar areas in Bettie Ford are ridiculously small for the amount of patrons, leading to a crush of bodies at the bars, most particularly the dance club bar. Don’t plan on a bathroom break/drink refill at the same time, or you will be gone from the table/dance floor for at least 30 minutes. Which might be a blessing in disguise because you will miss out on the lame, generic dance tunes being played. If you do shell out for the VIP and bottle service, which unlike other cities, is rarely available in Portland, be prepared to also be unimpressed.

Another annoying issue at Bettie Ford is the smoking situation. Which is basically a 5×8 area of uncovered concrete sidewalk. You would think that with the amount of people packed out there, the management would have figured out a better solution for the smoking clientèle.
But no, like most of the other long-standing problems at Bettie Ford, don’t expect any changes soon.

Don’t think these two links are the interchangeable, Bettie Ford’s is the place for you:

Hot Chicks with Douchebags

Bettie Ford Lounge on a Ladies night

*Japanese translation for “potty”

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7 Responses to “#22 Bettie Ford Lounge”


  1. 1 B Money 10/29 at 12:09 pm

    Wow, this is funny for a few reasons. Probably #1 is reason #67 Portland Sucks – it’s so small you know everyone in it. I know the guy in the picture you used to represent Bettie Ford, of course.

    Bettie Ford is bar none the worst club I have ever been to in any city. There is no where with a bigger group of ass bags, worse service and a crappier overall layout than this place.

    Plus, it replaced Stefano’s which was kind of sleazy but friendly and had shadowbox dancers – that place was awesome.

  2. 2 TLC Tugger 09/05 at 2:17 pm

    Good place to go if you want to get puked on by a drunk chick or a buff ethnic.

    I think I’ll pass on the $10 drinks and getting my ass kicked by a meat head.

    Nuke Bettie Fords from Orbit?

  3. 4 Kendra 07/18 at 1:35 am

    I live across the street from the place, and rest assure, OLCC is in the process of starting the shut down process.. aka, get the local residents in on it. we have been calling numbers and signing waivers of the overly loud/drunk/rude regulars, and the ball is rolling!

  4. 5 sss 04/28 at 2:13 pm

    i went there over the weekend. OMG their bath room was so nasty it was flooded w/ water or pee. I pretty much roll up my pants to go in there. that was pretty nasty.

  5. 6 JackBrown 04/08 at 2:04 pm

    Agreed. I would like to add “overly loud music” to the list. It makes me sound like an old man, but I think its true. The music at Betty Ford’s is noticeably louder than comparable clubs, way too loud for their sound system, so you get the double treat of annoying volume and terrible quality. It makes the whole experience that much worse. Blah.


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